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Joke of the Day

"I bought my shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but i've been tripping all day!"

"What do you call a slave snickers bar Sniggers"

"Why did the comedian say he preferred his hamburger on a croissant roll? ""Because,"" he said, ""the bun is the lowest form of pastry."""

"If I've learned one thing from twitter, it's how to get a ton of work done in an hour after wasting 80% of my day tweeting."

"Did you hear about the chickpea freedom fighters? They call themselves Hummas."

"Don't try to understand women. Women understand women, and they hate each-other."

"What do you get when you have a midget fortune teller on the loose? A small medium at large."

"To the raisin I just beat to death with my shoe.. Eww! I thought you were a spider. Eww! Someone's bringing raisins in my house."

"Is your refrigerator running? Because if your fridge is moving on its own volition you have bigger fucking problems than the goddamn election"

"*outside my house* - Don't let them know you have Clifford - Hey you must really like red your whole first floor is red, and barks? - Damn"