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Joke of the Day

"Since instagram is down I'm not sure if there was a sunrise today or if anyone ate any food? I feel lost."

"Thinking of getting my hair did and maybe also work on my grammar."

"A prickle of porcupines A murder of crows A flamboyance of flamingos A twitter of depressed, alcoholic perverts A shrewdness of apes A parla"

"Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life Her follow up 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 is due out next month."

"If you have sex with a girl on Monday then your boy has sex with her on Tuesday, did he retweet her vagina?"

"My girlfriend is like Pi. Completely irrational."

"A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time."

"Two Snare drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff buh dum tss"

"What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird."

"Why is light beer like having sex in a canoe? They're both fucking close to water."