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Joke of the Day

"If you have sex with a girl on Monday then your boy has sex with her on Tuesday, did he retweet her vagina?"

"Me: You know what cures a headache right? Wife: Tylenol Me: You know what else cures a headache? Wife: Advil Me: You know what else ......"

"If I've given you a card at your birthday party, know I bought it a half-hour ago and signed it on the dashboard of my car 5 minutes ago."

"I'm an 'adult', so why do I dance a little and look around nervously when I find a $20 bill in my jeans I didn't know was there..."

"i made up a joke once one day i made up a joke, but i am lactose intolerant and so i died"

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd? One says, ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"" The other says, ""Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!"

"Whats the best thing about having sex with twenty eight years olds? There's 20 of them."

"If the opposite of con is pro... ...the opposite of constitution has to be prostitution."

"When people don't make sense, listen to music. It always does."

"I saw a baby in a carriage holding a chocolate bar. It's mother wasn't around. So i took it, tore it open and ate it, right in front of the chocolate bar."