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Joke of the Day

"How do you get an emo out of a tree? Untie the rope..."

"People who take things literally on twitter, stop. Wait. First take this tweet literally, then stop."

"The are only 3 kinds of people. The ones who can count. And the ones who can't."

"I asked the pizza place to write a joke in my pizza box. They delivered... the pizza with nothing written inside."

"Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims."

"God I hate hidden microphones They bug me so much!"

"A genie grant a man two wishes Genie: What is your first wish? Jeff: I want to be Rich Genie: Okey, what is your second wish? Rich: I want lots of money"

"Health level: my credit card company called me about fraud because I bought a vegetable."

"I wish I had an old Asian man for a pet. That way I could name it ""Old Yeller"""

"I'm here to make a donation. Nun: Blessings, the orphans could use... *Shoving my kid at her- A brother? I'd like a receipt. For my taxes."