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Joke of the Day

"I'm here to make a donation. Nun: Blessings, the orphans could use... *Shoving my kid at her- A brother? I'd like a receipt. For my taxes."

"Q: What's the abominable snowman's favourite food? A: Spag-yeti."

"Remember that things always get worse before they get better. Unless, you know, you die in the process of it getting worse."

"2016 jokes Sleep is my drug....my bed is my dealer....and my alarm clock is the police."

"If you have a dog grooming business and it's not called ""Doggie Style"" then something is wrong with you."

"What do you call an immature carrot? A baby carrot."

"So a crazy dog goes to a place where dogs get scanned by a machine and the dog goes crazy and breaks it and everyone is scared. He's inSCANINE!"

"Roses are red....violets are blue I'm using my hand... But I'm thinking of you."

"I've been saving up for a sex change, I don't care what my wife says. SHE'S GOING TO HAVE IT!"

"Why are quantum physicists bad lovers? When they find the position, they can't find the momentum. When they find the momentum, they can't find the position."