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Joke of the Day

"Thinking ab including nude photos of me in my Tinder profile to weed out women who vomit easily"

"The U.S. presidency is like my ex. Anyone can get in."

"What does a Jew with an erection get when he walks into a wall? A broken nose, i will sit in the corner now."

"Political opinions are like assholes If yours shows up in my Facebook feed I will probably block you"

"Why couldn't the hipster get off? He'd only masturbate before it was hard!"

"I don't care how funny you are, if I don't like you, I won't laugh."

"INTERVIEWER: your resume says that you take things too literally ME: how the hell did my resume say that?"

"I hate being bi-polar It's awesome"

"I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said ""thanks"", I said ""don't mention it"""

"Former presidential candidate Senator Sanders falls ill. What do you call him? A sick Bern."