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Joke of the Day

"INTERVIEWER: your resume says that you take things too literally ME: how the hell did my resume say that?"

"Good girls are bad girls that never get caught."

"When I told my buddy that I'd be with his mom tonight, he informed me that she had died 5 years ago That's never stopped me before"

"So I saw a black man running with a TV. Horrified I thought it was mine. But upon arrival home I saw mine was in its right place. Polishing my shoes."

"Actually, there are but two types of people Those who can extrapolate from limited data ..."

"Whats an Australian Kiss? (nsfw-ish) It's like a French kiss, but down under."

"What has a bottom on a top? A leg."

"BOSS: I don't know if you're the right man for the job BAKER: NO PLEASE *holds up dough* I KNEAD THIS"

"Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? 'Cause he wanted to git a long, little doggie."

"""I just want to meet a nice guy."" -Girls who exclusively date assholes"