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Joke of the Day

"A girl at the restaurant was about to eat her food before I stood up & yelled ""STOP. THIS IS NOT THE THIRD WORLD LADY. INSTAGRAM IT FIRST"""

"I don't know, Your Honor. Last thing I remember was the Polaroid picture crying and I was shaking it like a baby andIT WOULDN'T STOP CRYING!"

"Voting was a lot more fun in the days when you got 4 snapshots for a dollar in the booth."

"Why did Chandler play the blues as loud as he could? He wanted to harm monica."

"Two nuns in an alleyway Two nuns were walking down an alleyway when a flasher jumps out. The first nun had a stroke but the second couldn't reach."

"*spits out animal cracker* This doesn't even taste like hippo."

"I figured it out. Renee Zellweger is stuck in the longest oncoming sneeze of all time."

"What do you call a guy who always phones people? Colin."

"'Tell me you want me' he ordered. 'I want you' she said. 'Now tell me you need me.' 'I need you' she sighed. She hated calling tech support."

"What do you call a punch that can kill 20 kids and 6 adults? A Sandy Hook."