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Joke of the Day

"'Tell me you want me' he ordered. 'I want you' she said. 'Now tell me you need me.' 'I need you' she sighed. She hated calling tech support."

"My snowboarding career has really gone downhill."

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."

"What's Han Solo's favorite type of video game? First person shooter."

"As a young girl she played the game Operation and dreamed about the day she could illegally harvest vital organs in real life."

"[Being murdered] (with every stab, i move my body so that the murderer strikes acupuncture points which, to his dismay, makes me feel great)"

"Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? That's the joke."

"Plot twist: name your pets after passwords."

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing, they were both stuck-up bitches"

"LIFE HACK tell the hotel you forgot your toothbrush. They don't even check, they just give you a brand new one!!! It's so sweet"