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Joke of the Day

"LAWYER: Your Honor, I'd like to approach the bench BENCH: I have a boyfriend"

"[Travels back in time] Me: Abe, what do you think America looks like in the future? Lincoln: United as one nation... Me: Wrong! FATTER."

"I'm ready to be a father now that I've successfully fed a goldfish for a week-he's so happy, he's relaxing & floating on his back...wait..."

"The country would be a lot better off if the South had won the war..... ...General Lee speaking"

"Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 2-year-old: An eagle! I'm going to save so much money on college."

"What's a magician's favorite Mexican dish? TosTADA!"

"Apparently on Facebook you can ""like"" that someone ""liked"" something. I just liked the movie ""Inception"", and now we wait."

"I'm not saying my wife is fat... but I struggle to lift her photograph"

"Two necrophiles are discussing their love lives. Necrophile 1: What happened with you and Brenda? Necrophile 2: Ah, you know how it is. . .the rotten cunt split on me."

"A black man, a jew and a retard walk outside the store So I run that fucking nigger over."