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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the restaurant that got closed down because they were serving just the rear ends of animals? Just-ass was served"

"When you hang around pieces of shit You're bound to land in a bowl of piss"

"An old teacher asked her student... ""If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?"" The student replied, ""It is obviously past."""

"How i made my computer run faster... I painted it black."

"Co-worker: My husband & I are praying for a baby. Me: You know that's not how you get 1, right? You gotta have sex. What does HR want now?"

"What do pedophiles and climate change deniers have in common? [NSFW] They both enjoy fucking the next generation."

"If we had a break up letter there for every gender there was... We'd have ""Dear John"", ""Dear Jane"", and ""Dear Xir, Ruler of Omicron Percei 8"""

"10:00pm *gets a snack* 10:01pm *turns on tv* 10:02pm *glances at twitter for 8 seconds* February"

"sometimes to end a text convo thats going on too long u gotta break out the big guns and say you're going to bed. at 2:30 in the afternoon."

"[Inspecting car] *kicks tire* ""Mmhm just as I suspected, it can withstand a single kick."""