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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I drink whiskey, I turn into Kermit the Frog. I start talking funny, I turn green, and then I end up fucking a fat pig"

"A co-worker said to me, ""Could you be any more annoying?"" So the next day I wore tap shoes to work."

"We Found Love in a Swollen Face Chris Brown ft. Rihanna"

"Q. If a blonde and a brunette were falling off a building who would hit the ground first? A. The brunette because the blonde would stop for directions."

"One day at a Stripper Club Stripper: ""The more you tip, the more I'll reveal!"" (*tips more money*) Stripper: ""Bush did 9/11!"""

"They should make a movie of how WW4 almost started The sum of all spears"

"I don't mind people sneezing in public. It's that ""Pre-sneeze face"" they make that scares the hell out of me."

"If Marilyn Monroe were alive right now, what would she be doing? Clawing at the lid of her coffin."

"Autocorrect changed ""baby rattle"" to ""baby battle"" and now I'm googling where to buy tiny weapons."

"How did the monster cure his sore throat? He spent all day gargoyling."