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Joke of the Day

"What lies on its back, 100 feet in the air? A dead centipede."

"I named my kids after the place they were conceived Although I'm almost 100 percent sure Intheass isn't mine."

"A: You look nice today, is that a new shirt and haircut? B: I masturbated yesterday, So I had to clean up afterwards. And one thing lead to another. Hair trimming included."

"My mom used to tuck me in every night. She really wanted a daughter."

"What do you call a sleep walking nun? A Roman Catholic"

"Does anyone want a free microwave? Contact me. We can talk about how we both want a free microwave"

"My 2 year old woke up. 5 minutes of ""Mommy!"" 5 minutes of ""Mommy?"" Said ""Daddy?"" one time & my wife said, ""You should go check on her""."

"Why can't blondes make Kool Aid? Because they can't figure out how to get eight cups of water into that tiny little package."

"The Duke ordered his subjects not to dig tunnels beneath his land but the King gave them permission to do so, He felt undermined."

"[at a bar] *sees hot chick check me out* *writes note on napkin and asks bartender to give to her* *she reads note* ""STOP STARING IT'S RUDE"""