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Joke of the Day

"A: You look nice today, is that a new shirt and haircut? B: I masturbated yesterday, So I had to clean up afterwards. And one thing lead to another. Hair trimming included."

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"What's the difference between Snowmen and Snow women? Snowballs."
"Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria's Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free."
"*grandma sobbing at my graduation* ""Your parents would have been so proud seeing you up there."" *wipes tear* ""But they didn't want to come."""
"What do you call a short, round-bellied Salarian? Mordin Volus"
"Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... ...but it's definitely up there."
"One iPhone in an Apple Two iPhones is a pear."
"I lost my mood ring. I'm unsure how I feel about it."
"A book fell on my head I can only blame my shelf."
"What did the feminist baker blame for all of her life's problems? The Pastryarchy."