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Joke of the Day

"I learned two things in prison. Don't sweat the petty, and don't pet the sweaty!"

"Goddammit, my parole officer says none of my RTs count towards community service. This has been a huge waste of time."

"Kid behind me on plane kicking my chair and coloring. *turns around* *grabs one of his crayons* *slowly breaks it* *whispers ""you're next""*"

"It's adorable how I write ""beer"" on my shopping list like I'd somehow forget."

"I make terrible science jokes... ...but only periodically."

"How can you tell if Chuck Norris ate rabbits the night before? He has claw marks on his forehead."

"A set of gold chains would be a great retirement gift.. For a really good slave."

"Odd numbers bother me. Except 75. 75 you're ok."

"A man walks into a bar. Now he watches where he's going."

"I used poo to wash my hair. What a sham! Poo doesn't work at all!"