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Joke of the Day

"I learned two things in prison. Don't sweat the petty, and don't pet the sweaty!"

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $3.99 and deer nuts are under a buck."

"A dog gave birth to puppies on the side of the road... She was cited for littering."

"ducks love bread but aparently bread is bad for ducks, so dont feed ducks bread, but love ducks even more bc theyre self-destructive like us"

"Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris called it quits. But I am looking forward to her next album devoted to the break-up called 'Calvin and Sobs'."

"Careful...I've already had our entire fight in my head and it doesn't end well for you."

"""Can we not have sex tonight? I'm tired"" ""Hi Tired, I'm dad"""

"My son, you were thrown out of school today for letting a girl jerk you off. Son, that's three schools this year... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

"b-52's songs: -'love shack' -'hate shed' -'sad tent' -'happy igloo' -'frustrated RV' -'depression garage' -'melancholy lake house'"

"Being asked if you've read 50 Shades of Grey is like being asked if you've had steak at Applebees. You do know there's actual steakhouses?"