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Joke of the Day

"Goddammit, my parole officer says none of my RTs count towards community service. This has been a huge waste of time."

"What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities."

"Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What've you got?"

"bet i can make you wipe your screen"

"I'll have an Italian BMT on Cheddar bread with everything but lettuce. A squirt of mayo and yellow mustard too please. Oops. Wrong sub."

"Who would you save first? Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!"

"What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident? A Tyrannosaurus Wrecks. EDIT: Spelled ""Tyrannosaurus"" incorrectly."

"First day as a drug dealer. Made a ton of sales. Boy are people forgetful, they all left their wallets at home.Gonna be rich tomorrow though"

"Oranges got their name from their orange juice-like flavor and orange juice-like color."

"My first name is not Damn Signed, Autocorrect"