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Joke of the Day

"I'm guessing the person who decided to call it 'common sense' didn't know that many people."

"You laugh at the burrito in my purse, until you get hungry."

"Q: What's green and has wheels? A: Grass. I was just kidding about the wheels."

"I was asked to leave the PTA because they don't consider what I do parenting."

"I Am a spy who has worked for the Mossad the last 23 years. Ask Me Nothing."

"What's angry, fluffy and destructive and gathers inside stringed instruments? Violint"

"ME: Um, I specifically requested Mary. BLOODY CARLA: Listen, do you want your eyes clawed out or not?"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea."

"Say what you will about the Democratic debate... but Hillary Clinton didn't refer to the size of her penis."

"I called the Muslim suicide hotline but they kept asking me if I can fly a plane."