20910

Joke of the Day

"What's it called when it's 9:20am and you can't wait for dinner? Oh, it's called fat. Nevermind."

"When someone is absolutely positively sure they're right about something is when I'm absolutely positve they're completely full of shit."

"A little boy says to his dad 'What is the difference between wealth and poverty?' And the dad says: 'Wealth is caviar, champagne and women. Poverty is hot pocket, beer and your mother!'"

"Why did we use guns in world war 2 against the Germans? We could've used Frebreze, it kills 99.99% of germs anyways."

"Great News! If you quit being cunty the whole world will stop being against you!"

"""This is not working out."" -My trainer, watching me work out"

"teacher: ""there are no stupid questions"" me: ""ya ok but why isnt the plural of moose, meese"""

"How can you tell if someone got their dog from a shelter? Don't worry, they'll let you know."

"Beer makes you smart. It made Bud wiser."

"i named my first son ""christian"" and i named his twin brother ""born-again christian"""