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Joke of the Day

"Cat: Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk... **Coughs up hairball** Dog: You gonna eat that?"

"Why was Cleopatra angry? She was on her pyramid. Stolen from Whose Line Is It Anyway."

"Why couldn't the hippie reach his tie dyed T-shirt? Because it was Far Out!"

"If you don't use a bottle opener to open your beer, you drink shitty beer."

"Where was Bill Clinton during his presidency? He was right between the Bushes."

"I'll never understand dentists. They stab you with little metal hooks and then tell you ""Your gums wouldn't bleed if you flossed more""."

"How do you get a kid to stay low to the ground? ""DUCK!"" How do you get a kid up and running? ""GOOSE!"""

"When my kids get too loud in our minivan I simply race over the nearest speedbump to make them bite their tongues."

"Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2!"

"My wife is like a new credit card. 0% interest for 12 months."