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Joke of the Day

"""Dean, what do you think is a reasonable price point for a chocolate cake?"" ""Good question, Deluca. I'm gonna say $95."""

"Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?"

"What does a Victoria's Secret Black Friday sale have in common with a girl about to get a spanking? Both have panties half-off."

"My friend died of autoerotic asphyxiation... The story is a real tearjerker."

"WHAT ARE THOSE???? /u/doubledickdude - They're my cocks."

"JUDGE: I find you guilty of murder. Sentenced to life. LAWYER: But it was only 20 minutes of murder. JUDGE: Oh, then you're free to go."

"Duct tape can't fix stupidity, but it can muffle it."

"Batman pushes a batcuffed Joker thru the crowd. ""Look! Hahaha!"" yells the Joker. Batman glances up at the jumbotron. GODDAMN the kiss cam."

"So i was sitting on the toilet today... Nah it's a shit joke, nevermind"

"I miss the 80s, when you could hide an alien in your room for 3 days before mom found out and five kids on bikes could outsmart the police."