156471

Joke of the Day

"My friend died of autoerotic asphyxiation... The story is a real tearjerker."

"I opened a company.... for guys with erectile dysfunction because I felt sorry for them. Now they all want a bloody raise."

"My pet peeve: ketchup bottle precum"

"ME (drunkenly picking a fight with a cake): get out my face you jerk CAKE: hey pal you wanna piece of me?!? ME: ok wow now I'm conflicted"

"Brangelina is no more. And it's really sad to see that Brad Pitt is now just 'Br' while Angelina Jolie gets her whole forename back."

"The main reason that Santa is so jolly ... is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"What is the speed limit of sex? 68, because at 69 you have to turn around."

"The only highlight of a brutal moving day: Wife: ""That's way too big to fit in the back door."" 4 people in unison: ""That's what she said!"""

"Did you hear about the newlywed couple that didn't know the difference between KY Jelly and silicone caulk? The glass fell out of their windows."

"*says grace before snorting a fat rail of cocaine*"