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Joke of the Day

"What does batman take in his whiskey? Just ice."

"[Ouija board] ""Hey spirits, talk to us"" W H A T S U R F R I E N D S N A M E H E S C U T E ""fml"""

"What did the male telescope say to the hot female telescope? HUBBLE HUBBLE!"

"If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose... would you go to lunch or a movie?"

"What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungie cord? My ass. Ha, haha, haha, ENOUGH."

"Why does the spanish dude keep walking left? Because izquierda going right."

"What is big, yellow and eats rocks? A BIG YELLOW ROCK-EATER!!"

"I spotted a subtweet and also spotted a squirrel with a juice box... I'll let you guess which one had a greater impact on my life."

"So I was going down on this girl. And I tasted horse semen, I looked up at her and said ""ahh Grandma that's how you died"""

"advice: describing someone's cupcakes as being ""better than sex"" is only a compliment if you aren't sleeping with them"