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Joke of the Day

"I love you, but I'm not in ""change my relationship status on FB"" love with you"

"Money doesnt grow on trees? So then why do banks have branches?"

"What do you do if your girlfriend is choking ? Back up a few inches"

"""WAIT!"" I screamed at my daughter as she typed Y-O-U on my computer but miraculously the autocomplete added ""TUBE"" so yeah, God exists."

"[text] ""Just saw this! I'd love to go to dinner!"" Him: That was 3 years ago, I have a wife & kid now. ""Bring 'em! Sister Wives is my jam!"""

"The worst part about looking for a job is if you're successful, you end up with a job."

"It's funny how trusting of bartenders we are. I wouldn't let my life-long best friend hold my credit card for four hours while I was getting bombed."

"What do giraffes eat at 11am? Brunch."

"So there were these two sisters.. a blonde and a brunette. The brunette goes to her sister and says ""I just fucked a brazilian!"" The blonde replies ""You slut! How many more is that than a million?"""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bera ! Bera who ? Bera necessity !"