14738

Joke of the Day

"I'm in so much trouble. My twitter crush found out about my boyfriend and now they're both on their way to tell my husbands."

"mailman: ahhh nothing quite like returning home from a long day delivering m- [gets attacked by his own dog]"

"Irony Jokes Won't it be Irony to Die in a Living Room"

"ME: *sees a puppy* BRAIN: Your backpack could fit a puppy."

"What do Mexicans put under their carpet? Underlay! Underlay!"

"To avoid being raped when I am in jail... I stick a tube of toothpaste up my ass for complete cavity protection."

"There are 3 types of guys in this world 1) Handsome 2) Lucky 3) Me"

"What's gray and can't fly? A parking lot."

"I don't know why people say building a wall doesn't work The chinese did it 2000 years ago and they still don't have any mexicans."

"A bear walks into a bar. He says, ""I'll have a gin... ... ... ... and tonic."" The bartender says, ""Sure, but what about the big pause?"" The bear says, ""I was born with them."""