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Joke of the Day

"LPT: To baby-proof your home: put your front doorknob like 4 feet off the ground so the babies can't reach it. Then those fuckers won't get in!"

"Why do gingers hang out with black people? Because gingers have no soul, and black people have too much!"

"Girl, you're like speeding in a construction zone... Double Fine"

"hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. the captain can't talk cause we both said ""hope we don't die haha"" at the same time and i jinxed him"

"If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you."

"Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank"

"Remove all the poles if you don't want me stripping, Mr. Bus Driver."

"That annoying moment when you're waiting for a text & you get one but it's from the wrong person."

"Why does Piglett smell nasty? He plays with Pooh."

"Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too"