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Joke of the Day

"hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. the captain can't talk cause we both said ""hope we don't die haha"" at the same time and i jinxed him"

"Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks."

"What do you call a spoiled sausage? A brat-wurst."

"Jet Fuel can't melt Ellen Pao [User was banned for this post]"

"Q. What is a brunette between two blondes? A. An interpreter."

"I drink expresso irregardless of the time, because, for all intensive purposes, its good for my sole. Also, it keeps my brain alot sharper."

"I found a ghost passed out on my stairs last night. He must have been really into the boos! Happy October!"

"""Can I shit here?"" ---- Sean Connery trying to make friends at the park but making enemies inshtead."

"What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung factory? Guardians of the Galaxy"

"Before I had a kid I thought, god, I wish I could say ""please put your shoes on"" 17,000 times every morning. My dreams have come true."