14711

Joke of the Day

"One time John Waters spilled water on me and my mom said ""thank god his name isn't John Barbecue Sauce!"""

"My mom when I was a kid: ""Never talk to strangers."" ""Never get in their cars."" Me to my future kids: ""Here's how to order an Uber."""

"You say potato and I say... Who are you and why are you saying potato to me?"

"I'm not racist People just disappoint me."

"Knock Knock...Who's There?.........9/11.....9/11 Who? ""I thought you said you'd never forget...."""

"Need a clean joke about sexually transmitted diseases for my presentation tomorrow. Please help! Update: I chose to go with ""my name is _____ _____ and I have STDs... (pause) as my topic"""

"Beer makes me less afraid of clowns."

"Mother's may get a day, but shark's get a whole week! Mom sharks get 1 week AND a day. ...don't even get me started on black shark moms."

"Emperor: Luke, kill Vader and become my apprentice. Vader: But why? I've been loyal. Emperor: Have you ever listened to yourself breathe?"

"What's even harder to find than Bigfoot, UFOs, the Loch Ness Monster, and diamonds in Minecraft? The real download button on Softpedia.com"