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Joke of the Day

"Why do you always need to take 2 baptists on a fishing trip instead of one? If you take one, he'll drink all of your beer, If you take 2 neither will drink a drop"

"""I OBJECT!"" the defendant screams in court. The judge gives her a very emotional hug and says, ""No...you human."""

"Which two names figure prominently in every Ape's diet? Ben/Anna!"

"Man who stand on toilet... High on pot!"

"she's all ""don't sleep in the nude- what if there's a fire and the fire men come and see you naked"" uh you pretty much described my fantasy"

"Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common? Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West."

"""Bye, losers."" *puts on motorcycle helmet and sunglasses* *rides unicycle into an elevator* ""Can you push the button for the lobby please."""

"If I were a bird, you'd be the first person I'd shit on."

"Did you hear about the hipster with heatstroke? He got it before it was cool."

"I just saw three dudes wearing denim shirts with denim jeans. Who's responsible for this shit? Canada? Was it you, Canada?"