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Joke of the Day

"Mommy mommy why do I keep running around in circles? ""Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the floor."" In the 80s, my mother thought this was hilarious."

"HER [sits seductively on my lap] The more you tip...the more I'll take off ME [reaches for wallet] This is such a weird way to cut hair"

"If girls with nice tits work for Hooters where do girls with one leg work? Ihop."

"What's black, jobless, homeless, fatherless, and has no life? Harambe."

"I gave my Chinese mate some sweets yesterday... He said, oh these are Haribo! Well if you don't like them, don't eat them then."

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? You 'Neak Up On It."

"What did Caesar say after crossing the river Rubicon? ""Can someone get me some dry socks?"""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Anthem ! Anthem who ? You Anthem devil you !"

"What I bring to a relationship is pretty much the same stuff you can pick up at any hardware store."

"What do you eat when you fly? Plane food or Plain food?"