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Joke of the Day

"the year is 2042. a man is fired for doing ""the robot"" in a mixed crowd of humans and androids at the company xmas party."

"Four years ago, I asked the most beautiful girl in the world out on a date. Thirty minutes ago, I asked her to marry me. Both times she said no."

"Just met John & Jane Doe and their lovely children Play, Tornay, Potay and Alfred."

"*walking into Home Depot for 2nd time today* Back again? Forget something? -Um, you remember if I brought a kid in here with me last time?"

"Yo momma is so fat......... Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, ""We are family, even though you're fatter than me."""

"A cop pulled me over and said ""papers"" I said ""scissors, I win!"" and drove off."

"If someone's embarrassed just tell them an astronaut did the same thing. For example, ""It's ok, Buzz Aldren once shit himself in an Arby's"""

"ME:[defending myself] Oh yeah?? Well I got 5 words for you buddy: please be nice to me"

"Are you from Iraq? Cause i wanna see you Baghdad ass up."

"What's the difference between a dog and a fox? About 4 pints"