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Joke of the Day

"Four years ago, I asked the most beautiful girl in the world out on a date. Thirty minutes ago, I asked her to marry me. Both times she said no."

"I spend 17% of my day wiping the fingerprints off my phone screen."

"Chinese elders dildo SHITTY SHITTY SHITTY"

"So an Irish guy walks out of a bar (Pause for effect)"

"Newsflash: Two criminals have escaped from prison today. One is orange and 9ft tall and the other green and yellow and 2ft Gin tall. The police are searching high and low for them."

"My mom used to make sure we were wearing our seatbelts in the back seat by slamming on the brakes. She was a kind soul."

"I love long romantic walks... ...to the fridge."

"I've always been really bad at telling jokes. I always manage to fuck up the punchline."

"What is a Muslim's favorite type of meat? Shalami! haha!"

"I was devastated to find my first love in bed with my own father. ""We've been through this,"" said Mom."