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Joke of the Day

"ME:[defending myself] Oh yeah?? Well I got 5 words for you buddy: please be nice to me"

"Looks like I'm in the doghouse again.. Last night whilst the wife was asleep I swapped her tampax for a party popper. No sense of humour whatsoever!"

"[creation] GOD: You each have a gift WORM: What's mine? G: You...spin silk BEE: How bout me? G: Uh...make honey HIPPO: And me? G: Hm...eat marbles"

"Phil Hughs At least he died having a bat"

"I forgot to bring my bags to the grocery store, people looked at me like I drove there on an aerosol can, then slit a baby seal's throat."

"A man goes to the library Man : do you have the new book on small penises? Women : sorry, I don't think it's in yet. Man : yeah, that's the one!"

"What do you call a pirate from Ireland?? Arrrish"

"If you play the movie Jaws backwards it's basically a story about a shark with bulimia."

"What's the difference between Japanese people and their food? Americans eat the food after they nuke it."

"Why shouldn't you play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!"