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Joke of the Day

"Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers? It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas."

"""IT'S NOT A RACE, YOU GUYS!"" i yell from 6th place"

"Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups? Because they can't even."

"If your wife is a school crossing guard, you're missing a huge opportunity if you don't tell people she's into human trafficking."

"Why was the professor cross-eyed? Because he couldn't control his pupils!"

"Jan 1st, 2017: I'm finally going to start learning guitar. haha only kidding I'll probably just ride out my current interests until I die."

"You really shouldn't anthropomorphize in animate objects. They really don't like it."

"If you know how many calories are in your donut, you're not eating it right."

"I'm 87 but have the body of a 25-year-old supermodel But it takes up too much room in my freezer, any suggestions?"

"I used to be indecisive... ...but now I'm not so sure."