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Joke of the Day

"""IT'S NOT A RACE, YOU GUYS!"" i yell from 6th place"

"Mobster: [tying a cinder block to my ankles] ""You're gonna be sleeping with the fishes..."" Me: ""Umm, it's 'fish'."" M: ""This. This is why."""

"Q: Why couldn't Tommy ride a bicycle? A: Because he was a gold fish."

"My neighbors listen to good music. Whether they want to or not!"

"Q: Why must judges learn to spell well? A: They must follow the letter of the law."

"What I say: Get dressed Brush teeth Get in the car What my kids hear: Have a snack Shriek like monkeys Open 3 umbrellas indoors Go poop"

"[nsfw] the ultimate trifecta of dirty joke so, i was going down on my grandma, and i started to taste donkey semen, i looked up at my dear sweet grandma and said, "" jeez, grandma thats how you died?"""

"I am liking the people from Finland They always finish"

"Don't EVER let anyone tell you you're not worth anything. You can get at least ten grand for one of your kidneys."

"Chuck Norris Jokes http://chuck-norris-jokes.com/"