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Joke of the Day

"Got caught again. Next time I'm stealin alcohol from the neighbor's, I gotta remember not to do it hummin the Mission Impossible theme song."

"What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully? Miracle whip."

"What's the best angle to approach any challenge? Try-Angle."

"What did the farmer say when the townspeople told him all of his cows were in town..? I herd."

"Gave my German friend a hit of my joint... He said, Danke."

"Why do Feminists lay down during sex? They can't *stand* seeing a man have a good time."

"How did a Gorilla come to be with Washington at Valley Forge? He had seen a sign saying 'Uncle Simian Wants You!'"

"My missus asked me where her Valentine's day card was. I said, ""Sorry, I had a headache."""

"Why do pirates have trouble walking? Arrrr-thritis"

"What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch? A bird that's ugly but doesn't give a hoot!"