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Joke of the Day

"Got a white noise app to help me sleep but its just a recording of guys talking about golf, Dockers, Whole Foods, & the new Coldplay album.."

"According to the NSA, most of my calls are me saying, ""I forgot what you told me to pick up at the store."""

"What's the Easter Bunny's favorite song? ""Don't you want some bunny to love"""

"A guest checked in and informed us that his plane had a ton of delays throughout the day. I replied ""well, at least it didn't disappear, eh?"""

"I'm going to hire a Priest, a Doctor and a Rabbi to walk into a bar together just to see WTF happens. Backup Plan: I'll also bring a horse."

"I'm sorry, sir, but your cholesterol isn't high enough to buy this Hawaiian shirt."

"How do you pleasure a capitalist? An invisible handjob."

"""Yeah, well your dog isn't a rescue, your snacks are processed and everyone knows you're vaccinated"" - how a kid talks shit in 2015"

"Why are white girls so odd? Because they ""can't even!"""

"Why is buying a macbook like using a high end prostitute? Because you spend more but, at least you don't get a virus"