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Joke of the Day

"Why is buying a macbook like using a high end prostitute? Because you spend more but, at least you don't get a virus"

"If I'm lying but not wearing pants, what catches fire?"

"Dear Girl Scouts, Your Mints did not make me Thin. ps. Please send more."

"Truthful Tuesday: The last time I had sex, I was so excited afterward I fired my musket skyward, alerting the Confederates to our presence."

"What do you call a banker's disgusting fetish? His gross interest."

"If a tree falls in the woods can I stand under it so I don't have to go to work tomorrow?"

"What's the difference between a vegetarian and a virgin? A vegetarian doesn't like meat and a virgin doesn't know yet if she likes meat or not."

"It is so much easier to turn friendship into love, than love into friendship."

"Some of the Southern states seem like they're at least 90% Christian. And that's just roughly a Conservative estimate."

"Appreciate this tweet. Appreciate it because I tweeted it stealthily on the plane AFTER they told me to turn my phone off twice."