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Joke of the Day

"if you ever want to witness an Oscar worthy performance, ask any person from twitter their follower count and watch them pretend to not know"

"I've found that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... Until you try to flatter someone in a wheelchair."

"I can't take the time to exercise but I did some killer cardio pacing indecisively in front of the Ben & Jerry's section of the supermarket."

"I'll never get a dog, but if I had to I'd the kind that doesn't have its butthole displayed too prominently."

"Sweden runs out of trash to recycle... ... Where's PewDiePie when you need him."

"How do you say hi Hello"

"What do you call a Cuban Prime Minister with a lot of attitude? Fidel Sass-tro"

"#1: My personality is 30% the last movie I watched."

"What do you calla brown guy that asks a lot of question? A curry-ous guy"

"On which side do you drive? American: Right-side. Britisher: Left-side Indian: Depends on which side the oncoming traffic is."