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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between my girlfriend and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when I smack it"

"Why did Hillary Clinton cross the road? (probably offensive) 9/11"

"Why didn't the monster use toothpaste? Because he said his teeth weren't loose."

"Whats the difference between a gorilla and a guillotine? No one gets their dick out for a guillotine"

"What do you think of the anus, As a whole"

"My wife is upset we can't afford a vacation this year because I kept paying the kids to behave while I was driving"

"Did you hear about the auto mechanic who went to a psychiatrist and insisted on laying under the couch?"

"Facebook etiquette: Thou shall not hold a conversation under someone's status post."

"""Dad can you write in the dark?"" ""I think so. What is it you want me to write?"" ""Your name on this report card."""

"Two black guys go into a convenience store, Pay for their stuff and leave."