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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a gorilla and a guillotine? No one gets their dick out for a guillotine"

"[end of the night]*hand running through her hair, pulls out a lizard* ME: no not again *she unzips jacket, collapses into a pile of lizards*"

"Why did Tigger shoot Pooh? He had an itchy Tigger finger?"

"When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he's homeless or just tired from breakdancing."

"What do you call a journalist in Russia? An ambulance."

"Blind man walks into a bar... And a table, and a chair."

"My housemate is going away to Oslo. He asked if I wanted to come along but I said Norway."

"Cop: Whatever you say will be held against you.nMe: TEDDYBEARSnCop: Aww."

"Why won't Apple's new MacBook sell well? ... because it has NO FANS!!! (get it? no fans? ... thank you!! don't forget to tip your server.)"

"I killed my wife because I heard mourning sex was so great."