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Joke of the Day

"Hyperbole makes me want to kill myself."

"""What are all those wires?"" ""My wireless internet."" (New Yorker cartoon ideas)"

"Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet."

"Officer: have you been drinking? Me: no sir 0: you were swerving M: Twitter O: oh, I'm on Twitter what's your handle M: yes, I was drinking"

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy? He was too far out man..."

"What's the difference between a black and a white fairytale? White begins, ""once upon a time,"" black begins, ""y'all motherfuckers ain't gonna believe dis shit!"""

"I cried when I cut up onions... Onions was a good dog."

"What's the difference between a hooker and your wife? You pay the hooker and she does what you want. And you pay your wife and she does what she wants."

"Tom hanks probably fucked that volleyball"

"United States once again votes for a minority President! Donald J Trump is believed to be the first orange President to be elected in the history of the United States."