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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a hooker and your wife? You pay the hooker and she does what you want. And you pay your wife and she does what she wants."

"You know what's a shame? A bus carrying lawyers and politicians going off a cliff and everyone on board dying. You know what's a damn shame? There was an empty seat in the back. Edit: details."

"Gay guys are fucking assholes"

"Spielberg missed a great opportunity when he didn't put FIN at the end of Jaws."

"Kangaroo 911: What's your emergency? Kangaroo: I CAN'T FIND MY CHILDREN Kangaroo 911: Did you check your pockets? Kangaroo: Oh nevermind"

"My neighbor's dog is so popular that every time he barks, the neighborhood dogs RT him."

"""Daddy, how are babies made?"" ""Well son, when a man and a woman have too much to drink.."""

"INTERVIEWER: what's your greatest strength? ME: I'm good at untying knots INTERVIEWER: oh thank god can u get these running shoes off of me?"

"What's the name of that German guy that keeps hiding my stuff around the house? Alzheimer, Grandma."

"What do you call a black man that flies an airplane? A pilot, you racist!"