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Joke of the Day

"Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet."

"Hey Girl, u must have gotten your steering wheel in my pants. Cause u are driving me nuts"

"How do you make someone holy? You beat the hell out of them"

"What's black, blue, and red all over? The Grudge at a rave."

"Ice lollies Are like regular drinks for really patient people."

"It was recently revealed that 25% of women are being treated for mental illness. Scary shit. It means 75% are running around untreated."

"?When the moon hits your eye? You'll be killed. It's massive."

"I like my women like my beer... Cold and with the head blown off."

"Being clean and sober' means I've showered and I'm headed to the liquor store."

"I didn't want to believe my flatmate was stealing from his job as highway maintenance ...but when I got home all the signs were there."