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Joke of the Day

"Why do waitresses love serving men in fedoras? If you're nice to them, their tipping intensifies."

"What are your views on abortion? I'm undecided. On one hand, I like killing babies, on the other, I don't like giving women a choice."

"I found a 1,700 yard rock the other day.... It was a real milestone."

"[at heaven's gate] God: Tell me why I should let u in Me: I've never made anyone look at my baby's ultrasound pic God: You can have my bed"

"What's long thin and smells of piss? Old people doing the conga."

"Everytime I text my new boss, his only response is FU! I should have expected it. They all told me he was a man of few words."

"What do you call a donkey that falls into a pile of sugar? A Sweet Ass ( )"

"My doctor told me to examine my faeces every time I go to the toilet in order to monitor my health. But my bathroom is so dark, I can't see shit."

"REMEMBER: It's not ""drinking alone""...if your kids are in the car with you."

"Why Did The Cows Go To Graze In The Marijuana Fields? It was a case of the pot calling the cattle back..."