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Joke of the Day

"I dated this metal chick once It was all cool for the first month, but then she started to rust."

"I wondered why everyone said I had ""bed hair"", until I looked in the mirror and noticed a tiny mattress on top of my head."

"Why did Little Miss Muffet have GPS on her Tuffet? To keep her from losing her whey."

"I just solved all my problems I just pretented it wasn't happening, and I instantly felt better."

"Q: What's the slowest thing in the world? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables."

"What do republicans and porn stars have in common? They're both professionals at switching position on camera"

"""You are what you eat."" Not exactly the best thing to say to a paralyzed vegetarian"

"Ferguson shoe store broken into and looted everything but the work boots section."

"One from my 7yo God daughter: why can't Elsa hold on to her balloon? Because she keeps letting it go!"

"Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear? A: Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck."