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Joke of the Day

"A man started a business in Afghanistan. He's making landmines that look like prayer mats. ""It's going well,"" he said. ""Prophets are going through the roof."""

"HI I SPIT GUM OUT OF MY CAR ON THE FREEWAY AND IT BLEW BACK IN MY EAR 911: Sir, u need to pull over WHAT 911: Use your other ear, sir WHAT"

"Joke stealing is not a laughing matter That's why I don't steal unfunny jokes."

"I don't discriminate. Love whoever you want. Pansexual is cool with me. I mean, I like pans, I guess. They fry bacon and stuff."

"What does Wonder Woman call foreplay? Amazon Prime."

"I hope you won't mind if I stare toward your house at dusk in an expressionless porcelain mask."

"My new years resolution is to have more sex! I Haven't told my cellmate yet though"

"A man sees a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down a jail from a rope... ...he looks at him for a second, and says,""Well, that's a little condescending."""

"I always say ""I was wondering when you'd find me"" when I get in my car. That way if someone's ever in the backseat I'll look cool as shit."

"How can you tell which nurse is the head nurse at a hospital? She's the one with the dirty knees."