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Joke of the Day

"Why does the lemon feel uncomfortable making friends outside of tumblr? Because it has cis-trust issues"

"If you think a minute goes by really fast you've never been on a treadmill."

"The twist in M. Night Shyamalan's next film is that it turns out to be a good movie."

"Have you tried the new, ultra-realistic vibrator? ""No, how does it work?"" ""Right before you climax it comes, goes limp, farts, and turns itself off."""

"What does Lenny (of Mice and Men) do during foreplay? Heavy petting."

"What did the blind fortune teller tell his customer i can see your future (I'm not sure if this has been posted already)"

"Still suddenly panicking that you haven't done your homework on Sunday evenings, despite being in your thirties"

"Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday? He's trying to age disgracefully!"

"A sheep, a drum, & a snake fall down a cliff... BA-DUMM-TSS!"

"Two Cookies Two cookies are baking in an oven. The first cookie says, ""Man it's hot in here."" The second cookie says, ""Holy crap! A talking cookie!"""