158966

Joke of the Day

"Have you tried the new, ultra-realistic vibrator? ""No, how does it work?"" ""Right before you climax it comes, goes limp, farts, and turns itself off."""

"Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis found in contempt of court and taken into custody... ...making it the first time a public sector employee has gotten in trouble for not doing their job."

"Arron Hernandez found guilty of first-degree murder He has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. I'm not quite sure how much longer he is going to remain a ""tight end"""

"Why does Santa have 0 children? He only comes once a year and its a down a chimney."

"I never understood why being called an Einstein is bad. It's only relatively insulting."

"I always feel an intense awkwardness when a woman doesn't choose the iron in a game of Monopoly."

"Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink all day."

"Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? A: When you slap a mosquito it will stop sucking."

"Two friends are having a game night One friend is a serial killer and the other is a generic man. The man says he sucks at the game. The serial killer says 'that's why it's called the game of Life.'"

"What's 9 and a half inches long and satisfies all c*nts? An iPad."