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Joke of the Day

"This salad tastes like I'm about done with my New Year's Resolution."

"I walked up to a girl and said, ""Skittles, Starburst, Jelly Babies, Haribo, Wine Gums."" ""Erm...what?"" she asked. I said, ""I'm trying to sweet-talk you into dating me."""

"What would MLK be if he was alive? White"

"Why can't Obama dance? Cause he has two leftist feet."

"A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat."

"My wife has so many shoes the bedroom looks like the outside of a mosque."

"A man had sex with a baby horse [nsfw] He was clearly into pedo-filly-a"

"When I'm bored, nobody texts me. When I'm busy, BAM! I'm the most popular person in the world."

"I feel sorry for men who don't know how to value women. One look at a woman and I KNOW how much she will cost me."

"My 12yo son's protip: Buy larger sized clothes and you'll look like you lost weight. You're welcome."