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Joke of the Day

"A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat."

"Parkinson's My friend asked me the other day if I had any advice for dealing with Parkinson's, apparently 'just shake it off' wasn't the right answer."

"I went to a feminist convention. Everything was good, except for one thing. Nobody made sandwiches."

"My insomnia is getting worse But I'm not going to lose any sleep over it."

"A guy walks into a building with his boss. Ouch. You'd think that at least one of them should have seen it. EDIT: A twist on the classic ""a guy walks into a bar"" joke."

"Me: OK bedtime Mind: Hey let's think about stuff Me: No, sleep Mind: OK here are some horrible memories you want to forget Me: FUUUUUUUCK"

"A group of people asked me to make a joke about barometers but I couldn't handle the pressure"

"Tomorrow you should turn back our clocks one hour. for Daylight Saving Time Unless you're Arabic, in which case you should set it forward 14 centuries."

"What kind of pants did the Japanese porn star wear to her job interview? Bu-khakis"

"What do they eat on the set of a chick flick? Romcomnoms"